I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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