It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
