Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
