Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
