Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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