I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sex in the backyard? Check.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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