but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
