Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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