Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
