I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
