how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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