please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
