When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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