was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
