Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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