some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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