I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
