how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
