i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
