dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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