Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
