Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
