are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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