she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
