I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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