Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
