so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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