you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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