I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
