i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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