My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
