Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
