What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
