She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
