just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
