If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
