sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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