She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
