Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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