where does the pee come out of this thing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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