You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
