have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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