her vagine was all disorganized.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
