i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Randomize
