i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
