Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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