Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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