He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
