Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize