I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
